Lady Lamb the Beekeeper- Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen. Monday 14th October 2013.

To a room full of quiet appreciation and a dizzying flickering glitterball, Aly Spaltro took to the stage in total darkness. Anticipation to hear songs from her debut album Ripely Pine was the reason for the busy little crowd. Singing into the void with her opener Up In the Rafters; this opener was not an indication of how the set would turn out!

Bang! Straight into Bird Balloons. A song so utterly crazy with a ridiculous time sequence. Songs such as Aubergine and Hair to the Ferris Wheel shone out. The use of a drummer to assist was extremely welcome; and added some welcome oomph to the punchier numbers. The drummer wasn't always present; disappearing while some of the softer numbers in the set like Little Brother were played out.

Really though it is tracks like You Are The Apple and The Nothing Part Two which is the main reason why there is such a packed little crowd in this corner of East London. With the finale Crane Your Neck hitting all the right notes, Lady Lamb left you wanting more. She heads back to her homeland in the States tomorrow; but there is no doubt that she'll be back.

Lee Thompson's Ska Orchestra- St Albans Arena. Friday 3rd October 2013.

It wasn't so much a gig, more like a family party.

The St Albans Arena was not even a quarter full on Friday evening; but those who were in attendance; were either hardcore fans or relatives. Which made for an intriguing spectacle.

The Lee Thompson Ska Orchestra appeared on stage to around two hunded and fifty people; you could eavesdrop on every conversation in the room. In between songs the banter was rude and crude. Thompson is an entertainer; bouncing across the stage from left to right; saxophone in hand, cajoling and interacting with audience and his own band.

The songs were all from Lee Thompson's latest incarnation of solo work aside from Madness. The Benvolence of Sister Mary Ignatius has been a widely received album; and on the whole reviews have been quite complimentary. Ticket sales on the other hand have been poor; and for an eight piece band selling two hundred and fifty tickets for a show; the profits may just about have covered the last train home.

"We are a real proper band"; says Thompson as the set winds through. And as each track hit the spot, I loved it.

Dear Lily...

Dear Lily,

I cannot remember why I clicked "follow" on your Twitter account. I cannot remember the first time I replied to one of your tweets. All I remember was that it was about three years ago; you were called @IamLilythePink and you had the word efficacious in your biography!

What I didn't realise at the time was how much of an influence on me you were going to have over the next three years; indeed, how much of a positive and precious impact upon my life you would have.

In the beginning we shared so many jokes about all sorts of topics (to be honest I was never as witty or as quick on the draw as you were!). It took me a while before I actually felt like I could confide in you about certain events in my life; I think it was a series of messages about one of your impending trips to the "Tail Shop" where I realised suddenly how important you were to me. I found myself worried; and I think you sensed that.

The Venn Diagram which makes up my Twitter is comprised of the following six circles: a) People who can help me in some way. b) People who I can interact with about any topic. c) People who I feel I can confide in. d) People who made me smile and laugh. e) People who are caring and thoughtful and f) People with strong self-efficacy(!). You appear in all six circles!

Through the different incarnations of your Twittering I have always looked out for your name. This may sound silly, but I rarely ever re-tweeted you. This was totally on purpose. The reason for this was because I never wanted anyone else to find you and follow you! (a bit like when you find a really cool underground band and then see them promoted to stardom!) However, from just glancing at my timeline and the endearing messages left for you over the last day or two confirms that you were already a bona-fide superstar!

I hope you understand how much those messages you sent to me meant. Like the DM you sent me out of the blue on Christmas Day; or the time you sent me a thoughtful "just thinking of you" message when I hadn't logged on for a week when I was completely under the weather. You knew exactly how I was feeling at that precise moment in time. I cannot thank you enough for that. I will never forget those gentle acts of kindness. (I still have the card you wrote me; safely tucked away).

I do wish to write something like this for each one of the tremendous people I follow. There are some calm, collected, beautiful souls on Twitter; and you, Super Lily are one of them. Continuing to beam ever so brightly!

I will miss you so much on Twitter. There will be a Lily shaped gap in my timeline now. You have made me laugh and cry and I feel completely safe when talking to you. I feel like I have shared so many different aspects of my life; through highs and lows and joy and pain (and no, I'm not just talking about Manchester United matches!). Whenever I have had to "offload" about personal things like grief and loss and even job stress; you have been there for me, and have been so supportive. I still go back to read your blog from time to time. The recent entry about the swans is so beautiful.

I wish you (and DH and the cats) so much joy, good health, peace and happiness for the future.

Love, Rich @foxyinthebox

ps. Whenever I hear "this" song, I always think of you! And it always makes me smile!

David Byrne and St Vincent: The Roundhouse, London. Tuesday 27th August 2013.

The Roundhouse was the place. David Byrne and St Vincent and their eight piece brass band was the show.

Byrne made an unseen announcement to the crowd ten minutes beforehand: "Please can you keep all filming to a minimum so as not to spoil the enjoyment of others". Boom! There was a rousing round of applause before they were even on stage.

The band entered one by one, followed by the protagonists; and the audience hushed in anticipation. They launched straight into two tracks from the recent collaborative album Love this Giant: Who and Weekend In the Dust. Both tracks highlight exquisitely the skill of all band members.

Annie Clark (aka St Vincent) and her trademark stage shuffle treated us to some of her own tracks; the impressive Save Me From What I Want and the beguiling Marrow being two of her early highlights in the set.

Following the band introductions; including a pause to tell you what you should buy from the merchandise stall; was the song and performance of the night. Wild Wild Life, of the Talking Heads album True Stories; stood out head and shoulders above all others. Each band member took turns on the microphone conga style to sing a line of the song. I looked around in the crowd to see a complete sea of bobbing heads and grinning faces.

The choreography was visually quite beautiful throughout. Everyone on stage shifted from song to song. So much direction; so much dancing, so much arrangement and so much action on stage for the audience to watch. Personally, I couldn't work out how the guy with the sousaphone was able to dance and play at the same time. All band members had their own personalities; I didn't know where to look. One couldn't help but copy the dancing on stage. It was a little bit like Simon* (*David Byrne) Says!

Alongside many of the Love This Giant tracks; Byrne (dressed strikingly all in white) did reach into the Talking Heads back catalogue; This Must Be The Place and Burning Down the House proving hugely popular in the arena. The forgotten solo dance gem, Lazy; was also played to surprised "oh, of course, I remember that!" faces.

There were two encores to this show; including fantastic St Vincent renditions of Northern Lights (complete with Byrne karate kicking towards a theremin!) and a beautiful haunting version of The Party. The final Talking Heads singalong Road to Nowhere was a reminder to everyone at the show how much of a privilege being in attendance at The Roundhouse really was. No one was filming this on a camera; as David advised us all not to. We all had taken this in with our own eyes and ears, like humans do.

There are't many occasions where two superb musicians can team up and put on a show like this. The Byrne/Clark Love This Giant partnership is one of pure joy. Plus, they know how to entertain; as David Byrne wailed during one song in particular to the adoring audience: "I know that's the way you like it, whoah, living wild wild life".

White Lies. Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen. 23rd July 2013

In a tiny room in the East End of London, White Lies took to the stage; five years on since their debut performance at the same venue.

Tickets for the gig were only advertised via the White Lies forums; and a specific ticketing ballot was set up. There were three hundred fans present in the room. Intimate would be the best word to describe this. Yet, whenever White Lies hit that first note; the crowd all took a step backwards! With so much power and ferocity in their setlist; this was one hell of a gig.

Showcasing tracks from To Lose My Life and songs from the highly anticipated new album Big TV; this was a setlist that contained new and old. White Lies certainly know how to please a crowd. Dipping into tracks like Farewell to the Fairground and A Place to Hide early on shows how much they still love their first record; and how much they know that their fans love that record.

There were lots of dedications; there was an element of surprise in lead singer Harry McVeigh's stage presence; "We've never heard a crowd sing our songs so loudly before"; plus there were plenty of smiles. White Lies songs are quite sinister tales of love and loss; and it is intriguing to note how Harry completely changes as soon as that first note is played.

Ultimately though, it is the hits which are the reason why White Lies are so successful. Tracks like Unfinished Business and Death light up the room. Also, I've always felt that the song Bigger Than Us; from the highly underrated album Ritual, IS bigger than White Lies. It is totally epic.

Three hundred people; and the five band members on stage; left the room on a complete high. That was an incredible show.

Acceptance

There are several things that I worry about.

I worry about the fact that I don't have a Mum anymore and how that will affect me in the future.

I worry about the fact that I still can't accept myself for who I am.

I worry that I'll never find someone who will love me and accept me for who I am.

I worry that I have become too reclusive.

I worry about the fact that I don't have that many friends.

I worry about not having enough friends.

I worry about my Sister.

I worry about my Dad.

I worry about my Nan and Grandad.

I worry about my Nan.

I worry about my job and how secure it is.

I worry about whether I am in the right job and whether I'll be stuck doing the same thing forever and a day.

I worry that people might think I'm weird.

Grief

Am I over the loss of my Mum?

No.

However, I have accepted what has happened. It was awful. It took a long time to accept that. Now though, Mum's gone. She won't be returning. For a good while I was waiting for her return. I would imagine what it would be like to see her face again, talk with her, hug her, laugh with her. I would stare out of the window looking to see if her car would turn up. I would sit in rooms where she used to sit and hear her laughter echoing in my memories. I would go to where her ashes were scattered and talk to a tree stump. My tears fell like water at the Niagara Falls when I heard her favourite records.

Moving on was never going to happen. "Move on!" the rest of my family cried. "Come on Rich, what are you doing with your life?" "Are you just going to sit and mope about?" "Your Mum wouldn't want you to do this."

I remember my Mum; telling me that if *I* passed away she would be beside herself and wouldn't know what to do. My Mum told me she'd find it difficult to live on, if I went. I feel a bit like that myself. I can't move on; I don't really want to.

You see, when a person you love dies, it shocks you beyond all realms of recognition. Everybody has to die someday. Yet, in our heads and in our ideal version of how our life is going to pan out; we envisage ourselves to die old. So when someone passes away and they're relatively young; we are consumed by grief that the person is no longer there; and also anger and sadness that the person was taken so soon.

This is very much how I feel about my Mum. In my ideal version of how life was going to pan out, of course I thought that I would outlive my Mum. I expected that to happen. I just didn't think it would be so soon. The sad thing is that I only knew her for twenty two years.

It is a times like this following a loss, where you suddenly realise that your life is completely different to those around you. Your life is determined by the events that happen to you and your loved ones. With everyone being different, everyone has a different outlook on the world around them. Yet, your world crumbles and falls apart, while others carry on.

This has been the hardest part. I have become even more introverted, shy and reserved following Mum's loss. I lost all my confidence and my self consciousness returned with a vengeance; I fell into a depressive mood. I now rarely attend parties. I have lost touch with old friends. I deleted my Facebook account because I didn't want to see photographs of people I knew having a good time, or indeed, people having fun. How dare they, when I was feeling completely rubbish? This turmoil in my mind has run so very deep.

Grief has been so overpowering that it has strained my heart. I have ached so much, that I haven't been able to share it elsewhere with another person. I also haven't been able to create my own relationships because of my shattered confidence in myself and my loss of direction. I haven't made a new friend in years.

The only people I really love are my closest family and friends. There aren't many of them, but I care very much for them. You see, I have never been in love. I find it difficult to open up and love new people. Through what has happened I have been left wondering if I ever will experience love.

I do find it really difficult to love myself. I wish I didn't feel so upset about my Mum's loss, but it does begin to take over; like snow in the corners of you window on a Wintry day. I don't know how I will eventually get over it. My emotions are all over the place. I'm not going to let someone into my life for the sake of it. If I am going to try and start a relationship of any kind, they have to be really really good, and they have to understand the above. However, you can't really explain the above on a first date, can you?

And that's it. I'm scared of committing myself into any form of relationship; because at times I am completely overwhelmed by sadness and grief; which wouldn't be fair on anyone. I can't love anyone else at the moment.

Three and a half years on, and I'm still missing her. She was a superstar.

I love you Mum.