You see, around two weeks ago I packed up my belongings and moved my bits and pieces along to a little two-bedroomed flat in the next town along from the family home. I flew the nest, so to speak!
And, how do I feel? Well, two emotions immediately spring to mind.
The first emotion is that I am disproportionally happy about all this. I say disproportionally, because I can't put into words how big of a deal this is for me. This is on a scale like no other. This is a watershed moment in my life. I have been secretly planning this for ages. For the last seven years I have been saving up my money, diligently working away for my employer, always with this in mind as my end goal. Forget spending my hard earned money on silly relationships and love; (two things which I am completely useless at) it was always my intention to get a little house first before any girl came along!
The second emotion is that I am completely disorientated by all this. I am in a new house, full of new appliances and new items, in a new town, all by myself! It's just me! And do you know what? Even though I am finding it difficult to sleep; even though I need to fix the heating and the windows; even though the fridge decides to talk to me at 2am; I am absolutely loving it! I am going to make this my sanctuary. I am the king of the castle.
So why, in this, the year of the Dragon, have I moved out? Why now? Well, it just all fit into place, like a jigsaw. Some things are meant to be. Myself and this property were meant to be together. (When we first met, it was love at first sight!). I said yes. I remember signing the mortgage contract and then thinking to myself, "thirty five years, oh well!" The thing is, if you get a chance or an opportunity for success, then you must grab it with both hands. I hope I am conveying this in my post. This was a golden opportunity.
Also, as you may have read before, I found it increasingly difficult to move on with my own life after the loss of my Mum three years ago. When you lose someone who you adore and admire, it knocks you for six. I found it especially hard because I was living with her. Then suddenly, she wasn't there. The last three years of my life I lost my confidence, my happiness, my joie de vivre and my social life. I turned into a recluse. I lost my place in the football team. I felt like utter rubbish. The family home was a shrine to my Mum, and looking around and feeling her presence I felt so sad living there. I wanted a new start. I needed some good news.
This is my good news. This is my new start. A new chapter begins. I immediately feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel so much happier, and less ill at ease. I feel like I am walking tall again. I am inviting friends around to "my house"! I set a Resolution in January 2012 to be putting up my own Christmas tree in my own house at the end of this year. To those people who doubted me that I could stand on my own two feet, well, I've proved you wrong! (there were a few in my family!)
I have done it, all by myself. I can't quite believe it.
Yet, even after saying all the above, it is at this point where I reflect and it all feels so bitter-sweet. I would dearly love to be able to show my Mum what I've achieved. x
Best wishes to you all for an excellent Christmas and New Year. Here's to a prosperous, happy and healthy 2013. Love, Foxy. xx
