2008

Four years ago, I was involved with the hubbub and buzz and build up of the Paralympic Games. I represented Team GB at 7 a side football in Beijing, China. It remains one of my greatest achievements, and to be honest, nothing comes quite as close to matching that moment.
This year, unfortunately, after putting in dedicated hours and hours of training and playing I didn't make the cut for the final fifteen. That fifteen has been whittled down to twelve now. I am devastated.

Having spent years playing for my country, and putting everything into my training and iproving as a player, I was distraught when they told me I wouldn't be invited on the warm up trip to San Diego back in January.

I still hold the record for amount of appearances, and I am the longest serving member of the squad. I have been involved since 1999, and travelled to my first tournament in Argentina aged just sixteen. I pride myself of those facts.

The thing is, having been wrapped up and dedicated in my sport for so long, means that now I am out of it I don't know what to do with myself.

Do I keep on training? Yes. The drive to train has waned slightly. I do struggle to find the motivation. After all, what am I training for now?

There is one thing that keeps me going. The fact that at any time someone can get injured and suddenly you're drafted in. At the moment though, I feel sad, and upset that I wasn't picked. I worked so hard to be a part of it, but alas, it was all in vain.

This Summer; with the Olympic and Paralympic Games all over the television, it is going to be mightly hard to watch.

Mystery Jets Live

I have never been as excited as I was before attending the Mystery Jets show in Brixton on Friday evening.

The venue was the Academy, and following the release to critical acclaim of their fourth studio album, Radlands, it appeared that he venue was the perfect place to showcase their brimming talent.

Now, the Mystery Jets have played everywhere, from Churches to in-stores to festivals. They know their audience. The scene was set to blast away the fans. Opening with Something Purer from the new album, you knew that they had faith in their material.

Tracks like Sister Everitt and Greatest Hits were belted out, and seemed to be really well received by the adorning crowd. For long term fans, seeing a band which has played intimate venues in the past, this was a step up to the big time arena.

Delving into the back catalogue, they knew which tracks really hit the spot. From the thrilling second album Twenty One; we were treated to Veiled In Grey, which along with Flash A Hungry Smile may have been my track of the night.

They also hit the spot with the double header of Two Doors Down and Young Love. The crowd were all rolling in aisles and hooting and howling to that double.

The sound was spot on, and I could hear every ounce of the vocal range of guitarist William Rees. Blaine Harrison looked assured on lead vocals, and appeared so cool and composed throughout. Kapil Trivedi's drumming kept the rhythm spot on throughout. Yes, they may miss Kai Fish, and it's true that there was a Mystery Jets shaped hole that I felt was missed on stage.

The introduction and indeed return of Blaine Harrison's Dad to play synthesiser on Behind the Bunhouse as the final track was an incredibly moving moment, as was the encore and finale of Flakes.

To finish with such euphoria was a joyous moment. For any Mystery Jets fan, it would appear that this was their zenith so far. Throughout, I felt like I was in the Mystery Jets. Their fans are like an extra member of the band. They haven't bowed to commercialism as so many bands may have done, but I think that at the same time this is what makes them so appealing. My excitement was justified; they were everything I wanted them to be.

I can't tie my shoelaces

How does your disability affect you?



This is a question that I'm asked often whenever I need to fill out a form for something, after I've 'not-wanted-to-but-had-to' admit on the form that "yes I do have a disability". I wish I could fit the following answer into the box on each occasion.

In simple terms my right arm and hand doesn't act like it should. My right hand is almost permanently fixed in a closed ball like manner, because I don't have the necessary brain signals for me to tell my fingers to open up fully and relax. I can't wiggle my fingers or my toes on my right foot. I'm really limited to my use of my right hand. I do everything with my left. I dare say, you probably wouldn't even notice I had an issue with my arm if you met me, but I tend to spend a lot of my time trying to make it not noticeable. The name for this is right sided hemiplegia, a mild form of cerebral palsy.

OK, it is a bit of a shame that I'll never be an excellent pianist. I may have been, certainly, as musicality runs in the family. I'd love to be able to learn to play an instrument but it looks like I'm only restricted to the Harmonica or maybe the Kazoo.

I've never had the dexterity to complete two handed tasks. I did have weekly physiotherapy sessions when I was little, and as much as they may have helped, I can't help thinking back that I hated them. Giving a list of repetitive exercises to a boy of six, seven, eight is not good. Football was definitely my only enjoyable outlet, but that's another story.

Another thing is that I can't tie my shoelaces. At school I had elastic laces in my shoes, but they were curly and I didn't want to be the boy with the weird laces. There's always a stigma attached to not tying laces. When you were at school, you were considered stupid if you couldn't tie your shoes. I physically couldn't do them. Yet, I always felt embarrassed. Even to this day, I still feel silly having to ask someone to tie my laces. I suppose, even at the age I am now, that I've just got to accept that I'll never have the functionality to do them.

Yet, here's the thing that I cannot understand, even though I am the person most directly affected. If I think about relaxing my arm, quite the opposite happens. I tense up. The muscles in my arm tighten when I least want them to.

Think about a boxer fighting in the ring. Just before he goes to throw a punch he tenses and contracts the muscles in his whole arm. Now imagine that spasm, as an involuntary movement around a hundred times a day, including at bed time.

I don't have any control over this; the length of the spasm or when it will occur; all I know is that my next spell of arm-tightening is just around the corner. And I'm really not a fan of having my arm tense up randomly like this. I am used to the effect, but at times, it drives me completely crazy. This reaction kind of cramps my style a bit!

I tense more when I'm stressed or nervous. At my last interview for my current employer, I was so aware of my arm being tight. To myself I was saying to my right arm, "relax, relax", whilst answering the questions of the man opposite at the same time. It was multi-tasking at it's finest and I was so suprised I got the job! I wish I didn't have to do that though.

I do try and hide my disability, and unless you asked me to tie your own shoelaces(!) or you went to shake my hand, you wouldn't notice. Once, I sat on a train opposite a woman, who did happen to notice my arm and constantly kept staring at my hand. I could feel her eyes on me, and the more she looked, the more my hand went into a ball and tightened up. The whole experience of being scrutinised was horrid, and I nearly had a panic attack on the train. It happens in really busy places too. I hardly ever have my hands resting in my lap, because I'm just so self-aware.

I just thought I'd write this to see if there are others in a similar situation. How a function of the brain that is hidden and unseen can affect someone. Certainly, my disability has shaped who I am. Because of the reasons above I'm not one to draw attention to myself, and I suppose my quiet, happy nature is from not wishing to be the centre of attention.

I have been to various doctors and physiotherapists across the land throughout the years to see if there is a cure, or to see if I can get my hand and arm to be relaxed at all times. I have had botox injections to try and stop the spasm contractions, but they are only short term and they didn't really work. I am not going to try drugs like Baclofen, because I don't want to slow down the rest of my body. Is there anything else that I can do to stop unwanted and random contractions in arm muscles? Or, is there anything I can do to change the thought processes in my brain?

I know I shouldn't feel so embarrassed at not being able to tie my own shoelaces or self-conscious on packed trains, but I do. And that's my final point. Even though I'd publicly admit how my disability affects me physically; privately I'd admit that it probably affects me more mentally.

Feist Live- Royal Albert Hall

On Sunday evening Feist performed to a packed and intrigued crowd at the Royal Albert Hall.

After three fine albums of material behind her, this was Feist in a perfect setting to showcase her talents. Leslie Feist, guitar in hand, flanked by her band, and the beautiful trio of singers Mountain Man; played effortlessly and confidently within such a venue.

She knew her audience, and she knew how to play to such an arena. The edginess of some of the tracks were a joy. Highlights included the disturbingly good A Commotion; the haunting Graveyard and the delightfully delicate Anti-Pioneer.

The thing about a Feist show is that one track differs so much from the next. You have the rockier, drum heavy numbers like Bad in Each Other, to the singalong numbers like Mushaboom. All in all, the show rises and falls, much like the audience. During some tracks the crowd are on their feet; during the more subdued tracks all are seated.

A nod must go to My Moon My Man; with the opening notes on an organ, to best track of the night. So Sorry, also with an unusual introduction via audience participation was also beautifully executed.

M Ward provided support for the evening, and played with Feist on a Jesus and Mary Chain cover during the first encore. Mountain Man also delivered a solo track during the set; and must now have done enough to warrant a fan base of their own.

On leaving the stage Feist then performed the title song from her debut album, Let It Die (the other debut album song in the set being Mushaboom). Inviting fans up onto the stage to dance; it was an opportunity not to be missed.

















So, there I was. One of about fifty people, dancing on the Royal Albert Hall stage with Feist to Let It Die. It was quite something!

We were hoarded off prompty after the song, before encore number two, and the effortless Limit to Your Love. This was followed by the wonderful solo finale, Intuition.

Certainly, this felt like Feist playing in a front room. She kept it so tight and not a note went spare. Those intrigued viewers who entered the Arena, would not have been disappointed by this showing. Seeing Leslie Feist play live is highly recommended viewing.

Female Singer Songwriters Playlist

Here is a playlist containing my favourite female singer songwriters. There are some brilliantly talented women in this playlist. I've bookended this with Armatrading and Vega; like the Pillars of Rock; they are the Pillars of Female Singer Songwriters. It is not an exhaustive list by any means. If I've missed any, that you think should be included; then let me know!

You'll find the 18 track Youtube playlist here:


1)Joan Armatrading- Down to Zero

2)Laura Marling- My Manic and I

3)Sarah Blasko- All I Want

4)Feist- My Moon my Man

5)Florence and the Machine- My Boy Builds Coffins

6)Charlotte Hatherley- Bastardo

7)Lykke Li- Breaking It Up

8)PJ Harvey- Down by the Water

9)Joan as a Policewoman- The Ride

10)Lisa Hannigan- What'll I Do

11)Keren Ann- Sailor and Widow

12)Rose Elinor Dougall- Carry On

13)Rae Morris- Day One

14)Joanna Newsom- Good Intentions Paving Company

15)Bat For Lashes- Prescilla

16)St Vincent- Marrow

17)Suzanne Vega- Marlene on the Wall

St Vincent- Live at the Shepherd's Bush Empire

On Monday night, St Vincent took to the stage to rapturous applause at a packed out Shepherd's Bush Empire in London.

St Vincent is Annie Clark; quite possibly the most gorgeous woman in rock and roll presently. In the live show she is backed by two keyboard and synthesiser players and a drummer. It seems her bandmates are almost cast aside, because the stage is centred all around Clark and her constant wranglings with her own electric guitar.

The set begins with three tracks from her latest album Strange Mercy; tracks from the album are peppered throughout the set. It seems as if Annie Clark is wanting and waiting to be unleashed. She has an edge to her, that makes her whole performance incredibly intriguing. During the intricate guitar riff of Chloe in the Afternoon for example; it is almost as if there is a monster about to escape Annie, as she twitches and snaps across the stage to play the chords.

She then delved into her back catalogue to play tracks from her previous albums. Actor out of Work and the simply beautiful, enchanting yet disconcerting Black Rainbow going down extremely well in the enraptured Arena. The audience were an attentive, head-nodding mixture of old and young. Certainly the appeal of St Vincent seems universal; albeit tonight it was only in this small corner of West London for ninety minutes.

Awesome renditions of Cruel and Marrow; plus an amazing cover of the Pop Group's She is Beyond Good and Evil confirmed the fact that St Vincent; dressed strikingly all in black, rocked. Clark returned to encore with the quite stunning and haunting, The Party. And then with her final track, she left us in no doubt that this was a ten out of ten rock and roll show.

The lyrics, guitar and synthesiser all sound so angrily energetic in Your Lips Are Red; and it appeared that the volcano had finally erupted. She went for it. For a good couple of minutes, Annie Clark had left the stage and dived into the crowd for a short lie down.

There was something particularly terrifying about St Vincent for the duration of her performance at the Shepherd's Bush Empire. It is the edginess and uniqueness of each song, which is definitely her appeal. Her performance is incredibly watchable. This was St Vincent unleashed, live, powerful, scary and wholly captivating; and it was darn good.

One Step Behind

Saturday night I was in attendance at the Horn, in St Albans to see One Step Behind; a tribute of definitely the best band on Earth. All right; I'm biased!

Having grown up listening to Madness, it's no coincidence that I know every single word of every song. So, on Saturday night, in a small back room with excellent sound there I was doing exactly the same thing as I always do. One Step Behind were musicallly cracking; and played each number perfectly.

Madness leave out a whole period of their back catalogue when playing live (the time following Mike Barson's departure in 1984) but One Step Behind choose to play songs from that era; including the hugely underrated One Better Day, and the fantastically off-beat Uncle Sam. For a fan; this is a gig that fills great expectations. The lead singer is spot on with the vocals; and the Suggs mannerisms.

A nod must go to the saxophonist, who was perfect with his delivery. They split the show into two parts; and concluded inevitably with Night Boat to Cairo; causing much chaos in the sweaty arena as the whole floor took to the nutty dance.

If you're a Madness fan, it's a must see show.